But it's not really that simple. I don't choose to feel the way I do. Pain and crippling sadness are not within my control, although it is possible to manage the symptoms when they arrive. If my illnesses were of a different nature I could arguably be 'cured'. But there is no end to the pain and depression. Just varying degrees of wellness.
There's no rhyme or reason to how I feel. I have noticed that things are worse in the winter but that's the only constant. I guess stress and frustration take their toll too.
But again even though I pace myself, the shit still hits the fan every now and then. If it's not pain, it's the depression. Or worse still.... it's both. And I'm gifted a double whammy.
Yesterday was a bad day, although I doubt anyone noticed (except one person did notice, and offered some comforting words, thank you). Hopefully today will be a better day.